"As she learns to speak, I will mix up certain words to instill lifelong lexical confusion. I will use the word “stenographer” for the word “circle”. I will use the word, “potato” for the word, “bed”. I will use the word “vagina” for the word, “the”. …. Whenever she wins a game or answers a question correctly, I will react as if she’s failed miserably, and whenever she loses, I will react like she’s won. Then when she’s gotten used to that, I’ll reverse it."